Shabnam

Hello Christian brothers and sisters. My name is Shabnam. I believed in Christ fourteen years ago and today I want to tell you the story of my faith.

When I was six years old, my mother died due to cancer and my father married another woman. When my father was not at home, my stepmother annoyed me so much and when I told my father that she annoyed me, my father told me that I lied because my stepmother behaved good with me when he was at home. I grew up this way. When I was a young girl, I did not like to stay at home and had become a very rebellious girl. I went out with my friends after school and stayed out and went party and park with my friends until late. I did anything and smoke and I made friends with boys and I abused them. My father could not control me anymore because I did not listen to him and I constantly fought him. When I got diploma, I began to work in my cousin's company and I went out with friends after work and since I did not like to see my stepmother, I went my grandmother or my aunt's house at night and slept there.

I always complained to God and told him: "You are not fair! Why should I always be alone? Why did I lose my mother? Why should I suffer hardship in my life? Why did not anybody like me?" but yet I liked to know God but I could not know him by Islam and I did not know what to do.

One day when I was in the company, one of my friends whom I had no news for a while called me and told me that after work she wanted to take me to a place where I had not already gone. I agreed and she came and when I asked her where she was during the time, she said that God had shown himself to her and she has become a Christian and God has cleared her from her sins. She told me that today God would show himself to me. I did not understand her words.

She took me to a church. When I entered the church, the pastor was praying aloud. As soon as I heard the pastor's voice, a strange thing happened to me that I cannot explain it. My whole body became hot and I felt that my body was burning from the intense heat and I shed sweat and a strange passion was made inside me that I did not know why. I knelt and prayed with the pastor. After the meeting I talked to the pastor and told him what had happened and he said that the heat was due to the presence of the Spirit of God and invited me to believe in Christ.

When I came out of the meeting and went to my aunt's house at night, I said Christ: "if you really are God, show me yourself." That night I dreamed that Christ came and told me: "do not doubt me, I AM WHO I AM." I went to church for one month and I had a strange sense of peace. During the time, after my work was finished, I went to my grandmother's house and read the Bible to know Christ more. After one month, I told the pastor that I wanted to repent and so I believed in Christ and stopped doing the sins in my life by the power that Christ gave me.

Interestingly, just after that I repented, I won a car in drawing lots in the bank and I sold the car and I bought a house for myself by its money and the savings that I had. I knew the house as God's gift and the house became the place in which the house church meetings were held.

After a few years, I decided to marry a boy named Saeed who had become Christian recently and was a member of our church. When we were getting to know each other and I prayed to make sure whether marrying Saeed was God's will or not, I always received the message from God that this marriage was not God's will and God told me: "I intend the good things for you, and you will lose them by the marriage", but unfortunately I did not want to accept and I did what I liked and I got married.

After the marriage, I felt that I did not get the love that I should get from Saeed, but I did not know why. In a seminar, Saeed had told our pastor that he was addicted! Our pastor told me it and asked me to help Saeed and treat him as a true Christian and accept him. He told me that our goal was saving the souls and Saeed was the soul whom God had given me to help him and save him. In all these years that I've lived with Saeed, I've always tried to help him. He quitted the addiction several times but he again became addicted because he was addicted to all kinds of drugs. Fortunately, now it is about two years that he has quitted his addiction to drugs and just he smokes and I ask God to help him quit smoking as well.

I am happy that I could help Saeed, but unfortunately I never got the love that I liked as a woman and it is very hard for a woman to never be supported and to be always a supporter! I know that there are a lot of women like me who are in this situation and I ask God to give them the power because without the power from God it is impossible to overcome the difficulties of living with an addicted person!