Negin

Hello Christian brothers and sisters. My name is Negin and today I want to tell you how God worked in my life and used me.

I grew up in a Christian family and my parents both served in the church and were very sensitive and wanted me to be a good believer. From the childhood, I felt the greatness of God in my life and I loved to worship and serve God.

As a teenager, I realized that I should decide whether I really wanted to serve Christ and follow him forever or not. I promised myself to always be a servant of Christ and worship him and live in him. I lived with this faith. A few years later I went to university and at university I met a boy named Arash and I told him that I was a Christian, and he said that he loved God very much and wanted to know Christ. Arash proposed marriage to me within a month. I was so happy because of acquaintance with Arash and I thought that surely acquaintance with him was God's will and believing Arash in Christ by me and having a Christian family with him were very good because he loved both God and me. He promised me that not only he would not prevent me from my faith but also he would believe in Christ. Thus, we married.

Just after the marriage, Arash broke all his promises. His purpose of marriage was only making me Muslims. He limited me and did not let me go to church and church meetings and read Bible freely. So, the condition was very hard for me.

After one year, I got pregnant and unfortunately, during pregnancy period I never heard the kind and pleasant words of Arash and even he rebuked me and told me that my child was not clean. These words really upset me but I always looked at the future with hope and felt that I would have a goal for the future with my baby. But when my daughter was born, Arash treated me worse. After my daughter was born, I went to my mother's house. Just five days after her birth, Arash took my baby of me and said that he did not allow me to breast-feed the baby because my milk was unclean and then he wanted to take the baby to his mother's house. When he wanted to take the baby, my family and I begged him, and the baby began to cry and he gave back me the baby. I had a very difficult situation and always lived with the fear if he allowed me to stay with my daughter or took my daughter of me again.

When my daughter was five months old, Arash told me that I must choose between my daughter and Christ, otherwise I should go to my father's house and was not allowed to see my daughter! Whatever I begged him to stop doing these things, it was not useful, and he told me to choose! I did not know what to do! When I prayed, God put this verse in my heart: "A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory. In his name the nations will put their hope." Finally, I felt that it was a test of faith and God was examining my faith. So I chose Christ between my daughter and Christ, and thus Arash separated me from my daughter and I went to my father's house. After separation from my daughter, I felt that my heart had been separated from my body. I was always waiting for God to do something and give me back my daughter but the ways of the LORD are very different from the ways of humans. A long time passed and my daughter did not come back to me and I was very disappointed and even fought with God and said God: "why does not my daughter give back? Where is the hope that I had to you? When will the miracle happen?" Finally, I was angry with God and did not pray!

In desperation, God put me in a situation in which I could mother many orphans and take care of them and God put many children in the course of my life so that I could love them and when I looked at them, I felt that they were my own child.

God gave me the opportunity in my life to be able to be restored and look at my life with hope and worship God again because when I was angry with God, I did not worship him. By giving me the opportunity, God helped me to know that I was not a rejected woman who had lost her child and wanted me to be not only the mother of my daughter, but the mother of many children, and God gave me this assurance that he took care of my daughter and I could serve God as I liked by the faith.

I am very happy and I do not know myself as lost and rejected and even for a moment I do not feel regret that I chose Christ between my daughter and him because I know that God is good and he who promised is faithful and take care of my daughter well.